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"You can be in the same room, one of you on the computer, one of you [watching TV]," Fleming says, but "if you find that you're never actively engaging together — you're together, alone, doing your own thing — that's an indication there's disconnection, or a lack of connection." "We often ignore our gut instincts because that voice is very quiet and calm, unlike the internal voice in our heads that thrives on high drama." We're trained to trust logic in many areas of life, so when a niggling feeling ("Am I really still in love with this person?
") presents itself, it's hard to pay attention to it because there aren't any hard facts or rational reasoning.
In today’s world, many couples are not concerned about it.
So many stick with mediocrity, settling for low-level pain and dissatisfaction instead.
The more you get to know each other apart from sexual activity, the more you’ll be able to make a wise decision to marry or not to marry.
About Gary Chapman Gary Chapman, Ph D, is the author of the bestselling 5 Love Languages® series, which has sold more than 8 million worldwide and has been translated into over 40 languages. Chapman travels the world presenting seminars on marriage, family, and relationships, and his radio programs air on more than 400 stations.
After all, she says, it's intimacy that separates a romantic relationship from all other sorts of relationships you might have.
"When that's going out the window, it's a really big red flag." Jane Greer, relationship therapist and author of of the firsts, Fleming says that it may be that "you prefer to get your needs mets outside the relationship." To that end, Greer points out that not having any meaningful conversations aside from "rudimentary conversations about chores and things that need to get done" is a warning sign that your relationship is not in a good place.
One way to distinguish between a run-of-the-mill marital rut (where you've, say, fallen into boring routines and don't have much sex anymore) and a loveless marriage is to ask yourself how long the situation has been this way, and whether it's been steadily worsening.